Let’s get one thing clear here, nobody can love you more than yourself. Get the idea out of your head that somebody out there will give you the love that you’re looking for. That’s just not going to happen.
Sure, it may feel like that person is really loving you and is going out of their way to give themselves to you, but let’s not fool ourselves here. There is such a thing called self preservation.
If you’re the type of person who will give yourself completely to somebody else, chances are, somehow, some way, at some time, you will be left holding an empty bag. It’s only a matter of time. That is the human condition. That is the human experience. That happens time and time again.
If you’re reading this, chances are, somebody at some point in time has let you down at some level or another. That’s the way life is. So get that romantic notion out of your head that somebody out there will love you more than you will ever love yourself. That animal doesn’t exist.
You see, you can only give what you have. If you don’t love yourself and you’re incapable of loving yourself fully, what kind of love can you give other people? By the same token, how can they give you that kind of love?
Understand that the ultimate responsibility for understanding yourself, caring about yourself and ultimately loving yourself falls on your shoulders, and nobody else. There is no knight in shining armor, there is no perfect woman. You have to step up and give yourself the self care and self love you deserve.
This human tendency to look to others for solutions that they themselves do not want to find for themselves is all too common. This is why we end up in one broken or inadequate relationship after another. We’re looking for this one magical person that would make all our sense of inadequacy go away.
Self-Love is Crucial
When you choose to love yourself fully, you take full responsibility for yourself. You go on a long term journey where you will put in the time and do whatever is necessary, for however long it takes, to give yourself what you’re looking for. At the very least, this requires making a sincere and consistent effort to truly understanding yourself.
The journey to self love is inherently a journey of self discovery. It’s a journey of self acceptance. It’s also a journey of painful and often harsh realities. It requires a tremendous amount of honesty.
Nowhere in this equation is there space for some sort of outside agency or some sort of magical savior in the form of another person. That’s just not going to happen. That’s not realistic at all. You have to step up.
If you feel broken and incomplete, do you think somebody else will complete you? Chances are, you will be going from one relationship after another looking for that mysterious and mystical person that would somehow, some way, give your life all the answers it desperately needs. That person doesn’t exist. You have to provide the answer yourself. You have to choose to love yourself.
Nobody is Unlovable
People who struggle with the concept of self love put out a lot of excuses. They give out a lot of reasons. But if you were to read between the lines and you were to boil everything down, it all goes back to one place. Somehow, some way, they’ve gotten that idea into their heads that they are, at some level or another, completely unlovable. They’ve just fallen into that conclusion.
It doesn’t really matter the set of circumstances on how they got there, but the conclusion remains. It is very troubling. They think that they are so broken, so inadequate, so defective that nobody in their right minds would love them.
Well, let me tell you, if you truly believe that you are unlovable, then you will be unlovable because you defined yourself out of any capacity for any kind of relationship. Even if somebody tries really hard to connect with you and give you what you’re looking for, it would never be enough because you have defined yourself out of the equation.
The solution to this is actually quite simple. If you think you are unlovable, then you need to start thinking the opposite. You need to start realizing that there is something about you that is worthy. It may not seem like that big of a deal to you, it may not be all that dramatic or exaggerated, but it’s still something.
Nobody is completely unlovable. It may feel like it, we may have gone through lots of negative traumas and past hurts that may push us to that unrealistic conclusion, but the reality lies elsewhere. If you’re completely honest with yourself, you would know that there is something about you that people can love. There’s a flicker of humanity in you that people can celebrate and can draw comfort from. You just have to allow yourself to believe this.
This process of allowing yourself to realize that you can be loved is a crucial component of self love. Again, if you don’t love yourself, nobody will because love is based on respect. We’re talking real love here. We’re not talking about counterfeits.
Counterfeit Forms of Love
People who allow themselves to remain broken and who choose to refuse to love themselves often find themselves in one broken relationship after another. This should not come as a surprise. If you don’t respect yourself, do you think that the partner that you select would respect you any more or any better?
Do you think that if you continuously focus on what’s missing in your life, you would attract the right people? Chances are, you would attract people who are struggling with the same issues as yourself. As a result, you end up in a codependent relationship where you feed each other’s sense of inadequacy and insecurity.
Instead of the relationship going anywhere positive, you end up waiting on each other to pull each other up and get each other out of that emotional ditch. It’s not going to happen. The blind cannot lead the blind. You know this deep down inside, but you refuse to realize it. You refuse to come to grips with it.
The Only Conclusion You Need to Reach
The only conclusion that you need to realize is that you have to step up. You have to love yourself because once you love yourself, you can then give love to others. That’s how the healing process begins. That’s how you overcome limiting beliefs about your capabilities and capacities that continuously hold you back from the success and the victory you’re otherwise capable of achieving.
All of us have the potential for greatness. All of us have the potential for constant and predictable victory. Unfortunately, if we choose not to love ourselves fully, we make it all that much harder, if not downright impossible, to unlock all that greatness.
So which is it? Are you going to step up today, or are you going to continue the way you’ve been doing for all this time? The choice is up to you.
